[Text] ☠ The voice someone calls.

[nightprince]

[ ... Unlike his usual peppy self, Ryoji's post to the network is short and private client messages are left to several people. All of them are in plain black text, however. You can tell something is up, he's bothering to use apostrophes and such. ]

[ FILTERED FROM IZAYA ; UNHACKABLE ]

... I'm sorry, everyone. If I'm not around this week, something important happened. I'll be at the Volo dorms if you really need to get in contact with me.

- Ryoji

[ FILTERED TO AIGIS ; UNHACKABLE ]

[ ... His typing drops here considerably when he messages Aigis and Vriska, as though he is upset. ]

Can we talk???????? im downstairs.

[ FILTERED TO VRISKA ; UNHACKABLE ]

[ ... This is hard on him. But he trusts Vriska, so he will get her opinion too. ]

hey........ i need to talk to you. were moirails, right...? its really important. i know the Curse is over now and i really need to know what you think about this before i do something i might wish i didnt... or did.

im not sure right now.

Comments

[effier.livejournal.com]

[Effy takes a step back. Being one for almost committing suicide, she can't help but be drawn to the strangeness that he admits to, but she's also scared. She's never seen anyone like this and never expected to see, out of all people, Ryoji like this.

She's quiet. Nothing comes out of her mouth and even though she wants to say something, she can't. She never actually expected to meet death. It was just a figment of everyone's mind, anything that they could imagine up to be. For it to take the shape of a boy around her age? That was fucked up.

Finally, she takes a deep breath, the only bit of air that seems to enter her lungs is all that she needs.]

You're -- death is a natural thing, Ryoji. Isn't it?

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

... Oh, I think you're confused. Dying is a natural process. All things cease to be eventually. But perhaps it's living that's the unnatural thing, in the end. Humans are fragile. They either embrace life, or embrace the thought of perishing.

[ He is nonchalant about his words, looking away with amusement. Cold, vague amusement. ]

But there are some who are afraid of both.

[ He looks at his hands here, as if musing to himself. ]

I don't feel anything right now. That's how I was in the beginning. This body and everything you know about me is entirely a lie.

[effier.livejournal.com]

You can't just bunch those two things together and discard everything else.

[She seems a bit angry. Everything being a lie? She didn't believe that.]

Shut the fuck up.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

... Do you honestly believe humans didn't cause their own problems?

[ He knows. He didn't want to tell Effy this way, but it has to be done. ]

I told you not to come here and you didn't listen. I might hurt you.

[ His blue eyes look back at her, solemn. ]

I was created by people, who more than anything believed that ending the world was the best for everyone. That's my role. That's what I am. The Goddess who brought you all to life... the negativity humanity creates on a daily basis causes her more pain than you would ever even realize. All because they desire the end.

So that's what she'll do. She'll try to end all life, because humans wish for it. To stop hear their pain.

Or at least they do in some small way.

[ He doesn't seem very fazed right now. ]

You've thought it too, haven't you? Everyone's guilty of it, even in the least extreme form. I can sense that much.

[effier.livejournal.com]

Of course people cause their own problems. Sometimes it's uncontrollable.

[She's more than just shocked at what he's telling her.]

We move on. You're bunching each thing into a fucking black hole. That isn't what life is. We all have our own pain, we can't just cover it up all the time. You're mad.

[Oh no he didn't.]

My boyfriend saved me. I was mad, too. I was really gone. But then my mum and friends helped me and I got better. I'm better. You're not making any sense. People do what they do because they choose to do it. You can't -- she can't end all life because she can't deal with their pain. Her pain is ours, don't you get that? We deserve to live.

[1/2] akshdg sobbbbbb what is this train wreck of a thread

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ He sighs, looking away. ]

... I'm not the one who sees it that way. Those are her feelings. But people can't collectively ALL be changed at once... not in that kind of number. Maybe if people's negativity wasn't causing issues...

[ He never had been the one to doubt people. ... No. He realizes what's going on here, he thinks, and he honestly isn't happy about it. But now that they've come this far, he realizes the only thing left to do is properly explain it.

... In a way, it's given him some of his sense of self back. Suppressing that horrible side of him he doesn't want to exist. Some humanity. ... Heh. ]

You don't believe me partially because you don't understand that... right? Do you know what I am? My body was bound and created from negative manifestations of people's suppressed sides. The ones they don't want to admit exist. They call them Shadows.

[ He moves, getting up and striding away from her, back facing her. He's pacing. ]

I'm not supposed to exist in any form on your plane. I shouldn't exist. I don't have any choice in what my role is. ... But I have a choice in the things that I do while I'm here. It hurts. It hurts a lot that the one person important to me almost died.

[2/2]

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... Still pacing, he stops, clenching a fist. ]

... I want to kill the person who hurt Minato. But... you have to understand that I'm not human. I have more than human emotions to worry about. I didn't even know what they were before I met him. All I did was kill and try to escape. That was all I did. ... I'm an instinct. That's what Death is. An instinct, a desire, more than just a state.

[ He looks back to her, trying to remain calm. ]

I could show you. The form you see is one humans trust. ... It was his gift to me. A sign of our impossible friendship that never should have happened.

1/2 ; because sadness is a horrible, horrible thing ;~;

[effier.livejournal.com]

You think -- she thinks killing everyone and creating everything new again will fix everything?

[She doesn't believe it. All people are the same and whatever this ...she...Ryoji? Was trying to do, was going to repeat itself over and over. People don't care, and they most definitely don't change.

She pauses, swallowing hard. The sickness that was twisting in her stomach was overcome by sadness and pity.]

2/2 ;

[effier.livejournal.com]

I've seen a lot of fucked up things, Ryoji. People here make friends with monsters and things that don't exist.

But I don't want it. The people I've met are people. I make sure to know they're not actual things that make people hurt. Death is life, and I really don't give a fuck about what you're going to do at home. You're here. We're friends, right?

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

That's... what she believes.

[ He considers her words. Yeah, it's messed up. There's really no way around it. ]

I can't ever go back. Not even briefly. If I do... I'll lose everything.

[ ... He's afraid. He's scared. He can't honestly say he isn't. ]

But that's... that's just it. That is me. Or... or some part of me. Right now I'm too dangerous to be around. Not... not in this state. I don't want to hurt you.

[ He's not sure how he might, either. Be it physically or otherwise. ]

There really isn't anything I can do about it. Not yet. I keep hoping I'm going to find some kind of answer to the entire thing here. The fact that I'm going to just become her puppet... even if I did come back here after that, there's no telling if I would ever be able to understand myself anymore.

[effier.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're dangerous.

[Even though she didn't believe what she said. She did care for him, she did like him quite a lot. She can't just ..leave.]

You will.

[Because he can. She knows it.]

[1/2]

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... She doesn't understand, does she? Just how dangerous he can be if he loses his self-control.

Then he has to show her. ]

... I'm sorry for this, Effy-chan.

[2/4] ... Yeah okay WOW I LIED BIG TIME SORRY

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ There's a small moment of a pause where he's quiet. He turns around. There's a sort of darkness in his hand, and then a sword appears in it. ]

[3/4]

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... And he quickly grabs Effy effortlessly, picking her up by her shirt and backing her against a wall.

This takes only seconds. The sword is at her throat. Around him float coffins--faintly, as if only in a ghostly sort of image--and he looks at her evenly. ]

... I don't think you're quite understanding what I told you. I am extremely dangerous, make no mistake about that.

[4/4]

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ In fact, it is almost effortless. He looks at her, expression cold. ]

This is my human form. Do I really need to change entirely to get it into your head that I will hurt you if I lose my self-control or if I go home and come back here?

[ That sword is dangerously close, but he isn't hurting her. ... Not yet. ]

So you don't believe I'm dangerous. ... Don't make me laugh.

1/3

[effier.livejournal.com]

[The shock that she feels when he picks her up, even with his build -- it always looks so light and she's never even guessed he had that kind of power. She lets out a small cry, and it can't even get past a whimper.]

2/3

[effier.livejournal.com]

[The sword -- everything happened so fast. Her whimper turns into a choked sob as she tries to speak, tries to get him away from her. She doesn't like feeling this afraid, she'd felt it once before and it was --

she can't even go to that point of her life.

When she speaks up, her voice is coated with sadness and fear, but it's strong, and comes out louder than she expected.]

I'm not scared!

3/3

[effier.livejournal.com]

[A shaky breath and she's grabbing at his shirt, trying to push him away, but she collapses from pressure, breaking into a fit of sobs as her hand reaches to rest at his shoulder, clutching his shirt and trying to do anything but touch the blade.

It's cold. She can feel it even though it's not touching her.

It's cold like this whole situation.]

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... That's how death is. Death's vastness holds no peace. It's only cold and empty, and it saps any energy or happiness and exchanges it with fear.

That is what his power is. That is what he is. And he knows it.

He merely lets her go, quietly, and gently, backing away. The cold feeling in general leaves the room, and some of the lights flicker briefly as that odd dark, blotchy substance appears in his hand, and disappears. The sword is gone when it is also gone. ]

Then you need to be. ... Listen to your instincts. Fear is not something to shun, it's meant to protect you. This... is me being nice, Effy-chan. I'm sorry. Your safety means more to me than my own happiness, and if you're around me when I'm in this state or worse...

[ He smiles, but it's... off. Not happy. More of a mask than anything. ... Hah. Masks. In the end, wasn't that what Nyx would do to him? The ultimate Shadow... yes, that was what he was. The only Shadow with a mask on a human face. He still was incredibly bitter about this. ]

I can't tell you what I'll do. ... You think I'm a nice person because I care, but... that's not my nature. Not really. There's a difference between how I choose to be and how I actually am.

[effier.livejournal.com]

[She kind of just ....stands there. She can't get herself to move.]

I can't believe you did that.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

That's exactly why I had to. You didn't believe me.

[ He can tell. ... It was for her own good. Nothing more, nothing less. ]

Effy-chan, go home. ... Please.

[effier.livejournal.com]

You held a fucking sword to my neck.

[She's glaring at him now, she can't help it.]

And it's just 'Effy'.

[And she does go home, she leaves him where he is because she can't handle anything anymore.]