[Accidental Video] ☠ A shadow fades in bright light.

[nightprince]

[ Ryoji hadn't noticed, but when he sat down on his bed, he accidentally turned his SFC on. Currently? The screen shows the little thought bubble following him around. His thoughts are vague, to an extent, at the moment, but what you'll notice is that the inside of the bubble is darker in color than most. Sort of like there's a little black mist inside it. The text on it is white. White, on black.

He's pacing in his dorm room at the moment. It's late, and he can't sleep. ]

He left.

[ A pause, a blink. A nod. It was reflecting his thoughts, huh? Yeah. But it wasn't really so bad... was it? An image of Minato--blue hair--comes up, then disappears. ]

It's my fault.

... I know.

[ Then an image of what looks like the moon, and then something big... with two sets wings, and a long sword. It's vague though, and it's hard to tell what it really is. It's only somewhat humanoid in shape. ]

Fighting it is... impossible. Maybe one day I'll just...

That won't happen...

[ This thought is a little more graphic. An image of some kids all wearing red armbands, being consumed by some sort of darkness, and then a hollow-looking, creepy white mask, eyeless, and smiling. And then lots of red blood. It flashes back as he shakes his head. ]

But how can it not, right?

I... I won't do that.

But I will. And then how will anyone stop me? You can't stop something like me. That's impossible.

It's... he did it. He still managed... it's okay. He's back now.

[ He takes a breath, getting up, and turns his back, trying to ignore that pestering, persistent, awful little bubble. He doesn't think it's so cool anymore. ]

But what if I do slip? What if they're wrong about how time passes? What then?

[ He falls silent. His biggest fears, and it was very, very right. He doesn't want to say it though. ]

I don't want to kill them. I don't want to hurt anyone. Vriska, Minato--I'm part of him but I took his life from him... because of me, his friends will never get to be with him at home. I really don't deserve to be a human, or even to feel. I never should have existed.

I... I really don't like this place right now... why does this have to happen to us? I hate these curses.

[ Eventually, Ryoji rests his head against a wall, closing his eyes, and biting his lip. The words keep going, though. Because he is, in fact, quite worried. ]

But blaming Vatheon isn't right. You wanted him to kill you because you're afraid, aren't you?

T-that isn't true. I've accepted it. It's inevitable.

[ The bubble continues heedlessly on, and Ryoji looks down at it with a defeated, pained expression. ] Without him, you don't even exist. Vriska, too! She validates your existence, but then when you're alone, what are you really? Just a shadow. A tool. Nyx's puppet. And then you don't even feel like you're real.

T-that's not true... I'm... I'm Ryoji. No one else. And I will never, ever be anything else. Minato-kun said so.

[ ... Ryoji tries to pop it as it continues on, but to no avail. After he tries to half-heartedly swat it away, he fails. So he instead returns to leaning his head against the dorm's wall, and then the feed cuts abruptly as a kitten hops onto the bed, and accidentally shuts the SFC off. ]

Comments

noooot happening

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

[... yeah, that gets a gruff piratey laugh.]

Fine, you're connected to Minato. Congrats- you've got a kid with a lot of issues who's a little too used to standing on his own otherwise. I'm glad you've got his back, I am.

But those aren't his thoughts. They're yours. Or maybe there's not- seems like you're not getting along so there may be more troubles brewing underneath the surface that I don't have the details about.

But shit, kid, don't get defensive about being urged to lighten up when you don't look happy with it either.

[audio → video]

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... A sigh, and he looks down, before flicking the feed over. ]

... Sorry.

[ He's just... a little tense, maybe. Though for once, his thoughts and the bubble reflect the same. ]

I... there really isn't anything that can be done about it though. I mean, I don't understand why you're... if you knew the truth, I doubt you'd feel the same or even want to talk to me. But that's... that's for the better. You really should just stay away from me, anyway.

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

[He's glad he's remaining on audio right now, because his thought bubble says something along the lines of 'why are these kids so good at giving up'?]

Kid, get your head to quit proclaiming things your heart don't agree with.

And you know, I'll believe you. If the truth is that you believe everything that bubble of yours says, then yeah, I don't want much to do with a pitiful bastard.

But the reason I'm on the line is that you're arguing with yourself and I'll take that over agreein' with your issues. So if you don't like your thoughts, beat 'em down and think new ones. Maybe it ain't that simple, but it ain't that hard either. You dislike yourself that much? Change or get over it, you little prat.

So long as you don't give up on yourself, no one else will either.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

... But what happens when you don't know how to not change into someone you don't want to be? Something you don't want to be.

[ ... He's a little hurt, but it's obvious this guy is just like that. ]

I've been looking for a way, but...

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

[A pause with just enough time for an eyeroll.]

What happens? Well, that's simple, kid. Nature takes its course and all that shit.

But listen, you just keep looking. Better than sitting there waiting for the end.

Besides, from what I know of Minato, he wouldn't stick by a loser who gives up so easy. Unless you want to insult him by insultin' yourself further?

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

... I'm just worried. Because it's not natural. Nature... things die. That's how it works. But not like this.

[ ... ]

I don't want to give up what he gave me. There's not a lot I can do at this point, but... I'm not going to give up completely

That... wouldn't be right.

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

Just because things die doesn't mean you have to give a rat's ass about it. You'll die. That makes you doomed like everybody else. But you get the same pressure as everybody else. Gotta do what you can until that moment comes.

So there's no point in giving up at all, kid. You'll just waste more of that time and opportunity.

To let go even an inch for even a second- that's not right either.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

... I couldn't do that. If I did, she'd win already anyway.

[ A sigh. ]

Death can't bother me. It never has; I doubt it ever will... unless it's everything, and everyone... and it's unnatural. And I can't die... not unless Minato kills me.

But he won't do it!

So... I'm just going to hurt people. I don't want to do it, but I don't have a choice, unless... I can find a way to stay like I am. Which I haven't yet.

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

[ . . . sigh.]

That's it, kid. You hit the gold but passed right on by it, you miserable little shit.

"Don't have a choice, unless-" is your choice. Right there is your choice. Find your 'unless' until the moment where you can't anymore.

You don't seem like the kind of kid who likes violence. It'd be nice to not have to hurt anyone, don't you think? You obviously care about Minato. It'd be nice to not have to make him kill you, right?

You need to want it enough to make it happen. So quit givin' up before you even start.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... Maybe he had a point. He's just quietly amused. His smile is vague, in that sense of "there are things I know that no kid should know". ]

You really don't know the meaning of impossible, do you...? But then again, it shouldn't even be a word... right?

If only more people thought like you did! Then maybe none of this would be necessary... the best we can do is just keep trying, huh?

[ A small laugh. ] ... I wonder if it's ironic that I don't like hurting people...

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

Now you're gettin' it.

[A scoff.]

Very few things are necessary. Your untimely death ain't one of 'em. So quit resignin' yourself to it and cling to life. You like it, right? Knowin' Minato and gettin' to see him, and all the rest of your little friends. Gotta want it enough to screw what everyone else says.

If you don't like hurtin' people, then don't. Just gotta have the determination for it.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

... But... that can't be right, can it?

[ ... Now he's just really puzzled. ]

Determination... so it was me...?

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

'course it's you.

It's always you. All the time.

Life's gonna toss some shit at you kid, that's guaranteed. But s'all on you 'bout how yer gonna deal with it.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... That's the sound of a lot of respect. And some understanding. ]

... You're a really weird guy.

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

If weird lets me look after my mates, I'll take it.

You've got a lot of kinks in your character too, kid. Take advantage of 'em.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ That... slang is--oh wait. Oh. ... Pausing. Considering. ]

Are you a pirate?

[ Because this is a very important question. ]

[voice → video]

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

[... this kid. A roll of his eye and he flicks the feed to video.]

Not sure what tipped you off first, kid.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ !! EYEPATCH OH MY GOD. Have an awed stare. His bubble, it is a jumble of little excited exclamation marks. ]

Well, Vriska-chan really likes pirates! I learned a bunch of stuff from her... and you sounded like one!

[ He feels so good. Have an excited kid. ]

I was right! That is totally cool!

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

[... tuning it out-]

Yeah alright. We done, kid? You got over yourself?

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

... Oh. Yeah.

[ He is so cool he is so cool he is so cool--

BUT HE'LL BE THE FIRST TO HANG UP HERE. Even if it's reluctantly.

Click. ]