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nightprince[ Ryoji hadn't noticed, but when he sat down on his bed, he accidentally turned his SFC on. Currently? The screen shows the little thought bubble following him around. His thoughts are vague, to an extent, at the moment, but what you'll notice is that the inside of the bubble is darker in color than most. Sort of like there's a little black mist inside it. The text on it is white. White, on black.
He's pacing in his dorm room at the moment. It's late, and he can't sleep. ]
He left.
[ A pause, a blink. A nod. It was reflecting his thoughts, huh? Yeah. But it wasn't really so bad... was it? An image of Minato--blue hair--comes up, then disappears. ]
It's my fault.
... I know.
[ Then an image of what looks like the moon, and then something big... with two sets wings, and a long sword. It's vague though, and it's hard to tell what it really is. It's only somewhat humanoid in shape. ]
Fighting it is... impossible. Maybe one day I'll just...
That won't happen...
[ This thought is a little more graphic. An image of some kids all wearing red armbands, being consumed by some sort of darkness, and then a hollow-looking, creepy white mask, eyeless, and smiling. And then lots of red blood. It flashes back as he shakes his head. ]
But how can it not, right?
I... I won't do that.
But I will. And then how will anyone stop me? You can't stop something like me. That's impossible.
It's... he did it. He still managed... it's okay. He's back now.
[ He takes a breath, getting up, and turns his back, trying to ignore that pestering, persistent, awful little bubble. He doesn't think it's so cool anymore. ]
But what if I do slip? What if they're wrong about how time passes? What then?
[ He falls silent. His biggest fears, and it was very, very right. He doesn't want to say it though. ]
I don't want to kill them. I don't want to hurt anyone. Vriska, Minato--I'm part of him but I took his life from him... because of me, his friends will never get to be with him at home. I really don't deserve to be a human, or even to feel. I never should have existed.
I... I really don't like this place right now... why does this have to happen to us? I hate these curses.
[ Eventually, Ryoji rests his head against a wall, closing his eyes, and biting his lip. The words keep going, though. Because he is, in fact, quite worried. ]
But blaming Vatheon isn't right. You wanted him to kill you because you're afraid, aren't you?
T-that isn't true. I've accepted it. It's inevitable.
[ The bubble continues heedlessly on, and Ryoji looks down at it with a defeated, pained expression. ] Without him, you don't even exist. Vriska, too! She validates your existence, but then when you're alone, what are you really? Just a shadow. A tool. Nyx's puppet. And then you don't even feel like you're real.
T-that's not true... I'm... I'm Ryoji. No one else. And I will never, ever be anything else. Minato-kun said so.
[ ... Ryoji tries to pop it as it continues on, but to no avail. After he tries to half-heartedly swat it away, he fails. So he instead returns to leaning his head against the dorm's wall, and then the feed cuts abruptly as a kitten hops onto the bed, and accidentally shuts the SFC off. ]
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Date: 2011-05-13 04:27 am (UTC)...And then a vague sense of dread in his bubble, though his face doesn't show it.]
Ah...Ani-- Motochika-san, you mean?
[He's still moving towards the door, though, opening it.]
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Date: 2011-05-13 04:42 am (UTC)[ PANIC. IF HIS BRO IS GETTING HURT, HE CANNOT EXCUSE THIS. ]
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Date: 2011-05-13 04:54 am (UTC)Not at all, Ryoji-kun. He was just...reminding me of something.
[Via a punch to the face.]
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Date: 2011-05-13 06:04 am (UTC)[ HUFF. ]
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Date: 2011-05-13 01:21 pm (UTC)It was...just his way. I'm grateful for the reminder.
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Date: 2011-05-14 01:10 am (UTC)[ This does not please him, no. ]
... Besides, why the heck would you be grateful for a punch to the face? I swear, this guy is NOT normal. Normal people don't punch others in the face, Minato-kun.
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Date: 2011-05-14 02:43 am (UTC)To being held up by his collar. To those words--
'Then you're being more selfish than I thought, you little bastard.'
He shakes his head.]
...Weren't we going to go get music?
[But he doesn't...really expect Ryoji to let this go.]
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Date: 2011-05-14 04:28 am (UTC)[ And he stops walking, turns to Minato, then frowns. ]
I want to know. Talk to me.
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Date: 2011-05-14 04:33 am (UTC)One of my new acquaintances found out that...I died. He wasn't happy about it.
[Echoes-- 'You get one shot and you make the choice to let it go?!'
...hnngh.]
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Date: 2011-05-14 04:39 am (UTC)[ Irritated? Yes. ]
But... you're not selfish. Why would he even say that?
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Date: 2011-05-14 04:42 am (UTC)[He's telling all of this for a reason, and it's vaguely reflected in his thoughts--and echoes of that conversation. 'Your death probably wouldn't help anyone as much as you living would.']
...And he had a point.
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Date: 2011-05-14 04:51 am (UTC)[ He rubs the back of his head a bit. ]
Maybe he did have a point. But... well, what exactly did he say? And why is it bothering you so much, Minato-kun?
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Date: 2011-05-14 04:55 am (UTC)He shouldn't be as wryly amused by that as he is.]
He just reminded me of the people I left behind.
[...]
Yes...that was selfish. I know I had no other choice, and I don't regret my decision.
[...but it still hurts, put into that light.]
[1/2]
Date: 2011-05-14 10:03 am (UTC)[ He smiles. ]
Wanna know what I think? I think the fact that you fought for weeks and weeks after what you did JUST to be with those very same people until graduation... isn't just 'accepting' it. I think that although our world may not be changeable as it is... this one is different.
What I think is that if they show up here, then you should tell them. Junpei-kun is already here, right? And Akihiko-senpai. If you've realized that... then dwelling on it and beating yourself up? What good would that do, Minato-kun? Why not refocus on... making sure you correct the mistakes you made?
[2/2]
Date: 2011-05-14 10:07 am (UTC)It's not much... and I know there wasn't much I could do. But when I left the dorms, I... went searching. For answers--about me, about everything. And a way to... prevent the Fall, and from becoming what I would.
[ A pause. ]
... Obviously it's unavoidable, because humans hurt a lot... and because Nyx feels it too. But... what we can do is take what we've learned and done here back to our world, and try to better it. And who knows? Maybe we'll be able to find a way to succeed; to change our world from what it is. It might seem impossible, but... when has that ever stopped you guys?
[ His smile widens, and he turns around, looking up. ]
I've said it once, and I'll say it again: this guy? Isn't from our world. He doesn't have the right to fully judge what happened. But what you did... while it's kind of a paradox, and maybe it was a little selfish, was the only option at the time.
But we're both fighting what'll happen--or, well, we did fight it, anyway. And all we need to do is keep believing that we can make a difference. If anyone can do that... it's you.
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Date: 2011-05-15 01:24 am (UTC)[With a tilt of his head, he calmly tucks his hands into his pockets and considers this.]
I promised that I'd do my best, after all, and I plan to.
[He offers a faint hint of a smile.]
Thank you, Ryoji-kun. I'm fine, though. As I said...I don't regret my choice, and I never will.
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Date: 2011-05-15 09:18 am (UTC)[ He turns to his friend, grinning. ]
We'll use Vatheon! We'll find a way here... to fix back home. To do something. Because giving up... it's not something that either of us should do.
I'm not about to just accept becoming the Avatar of Nyx, and I know I probably won't find a way to stop her from controlling me... but she can't take away me, or my time here, and I've got time here. So do you. And we're going to use it, okay?
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Date: 2011-05-15 04:16 pm (UTC)Of course we are. There's no reason to give up now, after all. I'm sure we'll be able to find a way.
[And he means every word of that, because that's the sort of person he is. He doesn't regret dying, but for Ryoji and Aniki and everyone he left behind, he will do his absolute best.]
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Date: 2011-05-16 08:38 am (UTC)So you're not being 'selfish' now, and that's what matters. Now.
[ Annnd he grins. ]
So! Let's go.
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Date: 2011-05-16 05:18 pm (UTC)He simply nods to that.]
Alright. The music store is this way.
[Leading leading leading-- and there it is! Conveniently close.]
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Date: 2011-05-17 06:24 am (UTC)... And silently staring. S-so many rows of CDs... ]
Where... do you even start?
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Date: 2011-05-17 06:57 am (UTC)I'm going to let you decide that one, Ryoji-kun.
[Remember? This is for you.]
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Date: 2011-05-17 07:36 am (UTC)[ Wandering~
... Hmmm... this CD... he picks it up, and looks at the back. On the tracklist--
Burn My Dread.
That... sounds like something he would like. And for some reason... it really rings some bells. Huh. He wonders why? ]
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Date: 2011-05-17 07:38 am (UTC)...ah.
A bit of a vague smile then, and well. It's just them, isn't it? Besides...he does love this song. And so he hums the first few notes, the first part of the song.
Ring any bells?]
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Date: 2011-05-17 07:44 am (UTC)Oh! Oh! This one! Let's get it, can we? I remember it now...!
[ Through Minato, but... details. ]
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