望月 綾時 ☾ Mochizuki Ryōji (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nightprince) wrote2011-05-10 03:35 am
nightprince) wrote2011-05-10 03:35 am
[Accidental Video] ☠ A shadow fades in bright light.
[ Ryoji hadn't noticed, but when he sat down on his bed, he accidentally turned his SFC on. Currently? The screen shows the little thought bubble following him around. His thoughts are vague, to an extent, at the moment, but what you'll notice is that the inside of the bubble is darker in color than most. Sort of like there's a little black mist inside it. The text on it is white. White, on black.
He's pacing in his dorm room at the moment. It's late, and he can't sleep. ]
He left.
[ A pause, a blink. A nod. It was reflecting his thoughts, huh? Yeah. But it wasn't really so bad... was it? An image of Minato--blue hair--comes up, then disappears. ]
It's my fault.
... I know.
[ Then an image of what looks like the moon, and then something big... with two sets wings, and a long sword. It's vague though, and it's hard to tell what it really is. It's only somewhat humanoid in shape. ]
Fighting it is... impossible. Maybe one day I'll just...
That won't happen...
[ This thought is a little more graphic. An image of some kids all wearing red armbands, being consumed by some sort of darkness, and then a hollow-looking, creepy white mask, eyeless, and smiling. And then lots of red blood. It flashes back as he shakes his head. ]
But how can it not, right?
I... I won't do that.
But I will. And then how will anyone stop me? You can't stop something like me. That's impossible.
It's... he did it. He still managed... it's okay. He's back now.
[ He takes a breath, getting up, and turns his back, trying to ignore that pestering, persistent, awful little bubble. He doesn't think it's so cool anymore. ]
But what if I do slip? What if they're wrong about how time passes? What then?
[ He falls silent. His biggest fears, and it was very, very right. He doesn't want to say it though. ]
I don't want to kill them. I don't want to hurt anyone. Vriska, Minato--I'm part of him but I took his life from him... because of me, his friends will never get to be with him at home. I really don't deserve to be a human, or even to feel. I never should have existed.
I... I really don't like this place right now... why does this have to happen to us? I hate these curses.
[ Eventually, Ryoji rests his head against a wall, closing his eyes, and biting his lip. The words keep going, though. Because he is, in fact, quite worried. ]
But blaming Vatheon isn't right. You wanted him to kill you because you're afraid, aren't you?
T-that isn't true. I've accepted it. It's inevitable.
[ The bubble continues heedlessly on, and Ryoji looks down at it with a defeated, pained expression. ] Without him, you don't even exist. Vriska, too! She validates your existence, but then when you're alone, what are you really? Just a shadow. A tool. Nyx's puppet. And then you don't even feel like you're real.
T-that's not true... I'm... I'm Ryoji. No one else. And I will never, ever be anything else. Minato-kun said so.
[ ... Ryoji tries to pop it as it continues on, but to no avail. After he tries to half-heartedly swat it away, he fails. So he instead returns to leaning his head against the dorm's wall, and then the feed cuts abruptly as a kitten hops onto the bed, and accidentally shuts the SFC off. ]
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You know...we're always changing. But so long as you don't lose yourself, you can always go back.
[And here, Ryoji, this is being put into your hand whether you like it or not. A mp3 player
shut up it's yellowand a set of yellow headphones. He keeps his hands folded over them for a moment, as he explains.]I was going to give these to you before, but now is as good a time as any. ...Why don't you find music that fits you? It's empty right now; you should fill it with yourself, with music you enjoy. And every time you listen, remember that you are Ryoji-kun.
Do you think you can do that?
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[ ... He's kind of stunned into silence, mentally and otherwise. ]
M-Minato-kun...
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Of course I did. They're yours now, Ryoji. So it's up to you to fill it up, alright?
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T-thanks, Minato-kun. I... I guess you're right. I'll be counting on you, okay?
[ In case it comes to that here. ]
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Alright. You can count on me.
And...I'll be counting on you too. To be yourself.
['That's all it'll take, I think.']
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[ A nod, and a smile. ]
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A whisper 'Thou art I--'
He shakes his head.
'Wheel of Fortune--Success, good fortune, beginning of something new--
Fortuna, Atropos, Norn'
And whispers that aren't quite his own thoughts. 'You are now capable of creating the goddess of fate--'
And he blinks, tucking his hands into his pockets. A glance to his own bubble and a hint of wryness to his expression. 'Better when it was all in my head']
Are you feeling better, then?
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[ He shakes his head a little, smiling lightly. ]
That must be inconvenient. I doubt a lot of people are going to understand the whole Persona and Social Link connection... but I guess so. I wonder... if Fortune really fits.
[ A pause. ]
But... I think so, anyway. I do feel better.
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...It can be, yes.
['Fortune arcana?' And he repeats along with his thoughts--]
It stands for good fortune, right? The beginning to something new, positive advancement, and change. But...change in a good way.
[A nod.]
I think it fits.
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[ He just smiles. He's glad... that Minato is here. ]
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Yes, I know. A reminder couldn't hurt, though.
Anyway, would you like to get some music? It won't do you much good empty.
[And he loves music, he really does. There's a reason he's never without his headphones.
...and the trickling of other thoughts, now that he's helped Ryoji, much as he tries to shove them away. 'A distraction' and a flash of Selphie's face and a flash of a piratey grin before a punch heads his way--
He shakes his head. 'Music.']
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[ A moment's pause-- ]
Is that... Selphie-chan? Wait, what's up with that other guy?
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...And then a vague sense of dread in his bubble, though his face doesn't show it.]
Ah...Ani-- Motochika-san, you mean?
[He's still moving towards the door, though, opening it.]
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[ PANIC. IF HIS BRO IS GETTING HURT, HE CANNOT EXCUSE THIS. ]
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Not at all, Ryoji-kun. He was just...reminding me of something.
[Via a punch to the face.]
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[ HUFF. ]
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It was...just his way. I'm grateful for the reminder.
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[ This does not please him, no. ]
... Besides, why the heck would you be grateful for a punch to the face? I swear, this guy is NOT normal. Normal people don't punch others in the face, Minato-kun.
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To being held up by his collar. To those words--
'Then you're being more selfish than I thought, you little bastard.'
He shakes his head.]
...Weren't we going to go get music?
[But he doesn't...really expect Ryoji to let this go.]
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[ And he stops walking, turns to Minato, then frowns. ]
I want to know. Talk to me.
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One of my new acquaintances found out that...I died. He wasn't happy about it.
[Echoes-- 'You get one shot and you make the choice to let it go?!'
...hnngh.]
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[ Irritated? Yes. ]
But... you're not selfish. Why would he even say that?
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[He's telling all of this for a reason, and it's vaguely reflected in his thoughts--and echoes of that conversation. 'Your death probably wouldn't help anyone as much as you living would.']
...And he had a point.
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[ He rubs the back of his head a bit. ]
Maybe he did have a point. But... well, what exactly did he say? And why is it bothering you so much, Minato-kun?
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He shouldn't be as wryly amused by that as he is.]
He just reminded me of the people I left behind.
[...]
Yes...that was selfish. I know I had no other choice, and I don't regret my decision.
[...but it still hurts, put into that light.]
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