[Text] ☠ The voice someone calls.

[nightprince]

[ ... Unlike his usual peppy self, Ryoji's post to the network is short and private client messages are left to several people. All of them are in plain black text, however. You can tell something is up, he's bothering to use apostrophes and such. ]

[ FILTERED FROM IZAYA ; UNHACKABLE ]

... I'm sorry, everyone. If I'm not around this week, something important happened. I'll be at the Volo dorms if you really need to get in contact with me.

- Ryoji

[ FILTERED TO AIGIS ; UNHACKABLE ]

[ ... His typing drops here considerably when he messages Aigis and Vriska, as though he is upset. ]

Can we talk???????? im downstairs.

[ FILTERED TO VRISKA ; UNHACKABLE ]

[ ... This is hard on him. But he trusts Vriska, so he will get her opinion too. ]

hey........ i need to talk to you. were moirails, right...? its really important. i know the Curse is over now and i really need to know what you think about this before i do something i might wish i didnt... or did.

im not sure right now.

Comments

[messianic]

[klnsalda caught in the act, hands at his temples--

He drops them, peering up at Ryoji through the fringe of his hair from his position pressed against the wall and blinks.

Why? It's so obvious to him--]

I was worried.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... He pulls a face at Minato, making him get up, and maneuvering him back towards his room by grabbing his shoulders. ]

You need to be in bed. If you're worried, fine, but be worried in bed, Minato.

[ :T If you must interrogate him, you can do it in here.

Of course, this is just a front.

Ryoji has never lied because he never saw reason to. The same with his words and usually his emotions. But right now, all of those are a fake, a mask, to make others believe he is okay. Worrying about him was not what Minato needed to do. ]

[messianic]

It'll wear off.

[The drug, that is.

But for now--]

I think we need to talk.

[But he doesn't resist Ryoji's maneuvering.]

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ It's Minato's words that he's been expecting, that he knows were bound to happen, that he's afraid of and doesn't want to hear that make him freeze in his tracks.

"We need to talk."

Surely, by now, he must hate him. Of course. Ryoji had locked himself in his room to avoid making this worse. He was too raw right now, too hurt, too afraid.

He was hiding. Hiding, and hiding well, that he was okay. For his friends. But it showed, in little ways. ... In how he typed.

In how he refused to eat or do anything else... well, human without needing to, lately. In how he didn't want to talk to anyone once he'd gone upstairs, or talk through anything less than text.

Here, he turns around once Minato is in bed. He is satisfied. But the words he wants to say, but can't quite spit out, escape his grasp.

So he merely stands there. Wondering if he could run away. If that... would help.

... No, that would be cowardly, and only make it worse. Minato did not need anymore problems. An even breath is drawn in, and then released quietly.

All he can ever think is that this is, of course, his fault. Why was Minato so self-sacrificial...?

Because of him. And he had not only failed to protect him, but he had lost his temper. ... Lost his humanity, perhaps, even, and he wondered if he could gain the wall he'd built of it back. He doesn't answer, because he doesn't trust himself to just break down right there, raw, on the floor. Thus... there is only silence. ]

[messianic]

[He sits on the bed, but he doesn't lie down--this is much too serious for that. Instead, he looks at Ryoji, silent for a long moment, expression solemn.

And then his gaze turns somewhat curious, questioning.]

...What's wrong?

It's more than just what happened to me. So...what is it?

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... ]

I... I realized today there's too much I don't understand...

[ There's so many answers he's looking for but can't quite find. ]

I think I saw it, to be honest, when I met N-kun and we talked. The way I see things is all that I know.

[ He's confused. ]

As far as I know... something bad happened, and I thought it needed to be fixed. But now I don't... understand. There's too many gaps...

[ He never had parents, or anyone, to tell him that people... weren't all good. I mean, he knew people could be negative, but-- ]

What if I'd lost you? What if you didn't come back? I can't bear the idea that you might be hurt because of me. Shouldn't it be my responsibility to help you? There's this one thing I thought I COULD do, but I couldn't do it.

[ It made him too angry when he saw saw that video. That smug asshole. ]

... I couldn't forgive him.

[ ... He sighs. He doesn't turn to look at Minato, he keeps his back to him, but he balls his fists. ]

I... I just wanted to protect you. But I can't do that, can I? It's... impossible... I don't deserve anything you gave me.

[ It's such a childish comment, because that's how he honestly views it. That he should be able to protect him and that he failed. ]

[messianic]

[...]

Because of you? I don't think you understand, Ryoji-kun.

I make my own decisions. As for what you deserve...that's not up to me to decide. That is up to you.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... He knows that by now. He does. But that didn't change the facts of what had happened. Nor how he reacted to it.

He falls into silence here, trying his hardest not to just break down on the floor. For awhile, he wonders if crying will fix anything. It never had before.

He isn't sure he can say it. He wants to say it, but would getting angry again help it, either? ... No. It wouldn't.

This wasn't helping either of them and at this point, he really only wants to know one thing... ]

Even if that's true, did you think about how I might feel if you'd gotten hurt?

[messianic]

[He--

He stops. Considers this carefully and responds equally carefully, voice quiet.]

I...didn't expect it to be that dangerous, or I wouldn't have been so reckless.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... Ryoji shakes his head. ]

That's not the point. ... It's that you didn't consider how all of us might feel if you happened to be hurt.

[ He bites his lip. ]

Minato... maybe I didn't react properly either, but--

[ How does he say this...? ] I... I don't want to lose you. Having faith in people is one thing, but... not being careful is entirely different. Just because you keep getting lucky...

[ Doesn't mean it will always happen. ... He can't always be around to make you be lucky, Minato. He can't. ... Don't you see? ]

[messianic]

[A pause, and then, slowly--]

I'm sorry. I never intended to worry all of you.

[...]

I can take care of myself, but...I'll be more careful.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... He's quiet. That's all he can ask for.

He doesn't want to linger, though. ]

We just... want what's best for you, as much as you do for us. That's... really all.

[ They all cared. He... wasn't the only one. But Ryoji makes for the door, because he isn't sure where his thoughts are leaving him right now. Confused, maybe.

At how to think of himself.

And everyone else. ]

[messianic]

[...he lets him go.

He can't exactly stop him. Ryoji will...do what Ryoji will do.

And he's touched. Quietly.

So as the other leaves...he leans back against the headboard of his bed and nods.]

...Thank you.