[Text] ☠ The voice someone calls.

[nightprince]

[ ... Unlike his usual peppy self, Ryoji's post to the network is short and private client messages are left to several people. All of them are in plain black text, however. You can tell something is up, he's bothering to use apostrophes and such. ]

[ FILTERED FROM IZAYA ; UNHACKABLE ]

... I'm sorry, everyone. If I'm not around this week, something important happened. I'll be at the Volo dorms if you really need to get in contact with me.

- Ryoji

[ FILTERED TO AIGIS ; UNHACKABLE ]

[ ... His typing drops here considerably when he messages Aigis and Vriska, as though he is upset. ]

Can we talk???????? im downstairs.

[ FILTERED TO VRISKA ; UNHACKABLE ]

[ ... This is hard on him. But he trusts Vriska, so he will get her opinion too. ]

hey........ i need to talk to you. were moirails, right...? its really important. i know the Curse is over now and i really need to know what you think about this before i do something i might wish i didnt... or did.

im not sure right now.

Comments

video because since when did aniki care-

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

Piece of shit friend you are.

This... is not really a reply at all, a-ahaha

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ........ Doesn't he know it.

And he knows Motochika is liable to call him a coward, but right now he doesn't know if he needs to get into anymore arguments, and he certainly does not want to make this worse than he already has.

So he doesn't respond. ]

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

[When did Aniki ever leave a broken kid alone?]

So what now, Ryoji?

[No, he doesn't like you. No, he doesn't respect you. No, he doesn't care for you all that much.

But what is true is that he sucks at  minding his own business when he doesn't feel like he can trust someone.]

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... ]

I stay put. I don't leave the dorms. I don't make this any worse. That's it.

[ Breathing. In, out. ]

Vriska-chan thinks I should make him pay. ... No. I won't... I won't let this take me over.

[ He can't. He won't. That side of him is evil and he can't let it win. ]

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

... 'atta boy. 

Don't know Vriska but... I ain't ever heard of avengin' someone who's still alive and kickin'.

Have you?

[A hand goes through his hair and he reclines in whatever seat he's on. 

He won't rush you, Ryoji. He'll sit around to talk as you want this time.]

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

No.

[ Sigh. ]

I warned him. That's... that's enough.

[ ... He just looks away. ]

... Why doesn't he understand how important he is to us? That man was obviously dangerous, but it's not the fact that he could have died that bothers him. It's why he did it. And it seems to me like he didn't even HAVE a good reason.

[ ... He doesn't get it. He's so angry right now. Angry, tired, sad, confused, hurt, worried--too much. ]

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

... There're a coupla things that separate you from Minato. 

One of those things is that Minato's got optimism, Ryoji. 

If he wants to look further into things, should let 'im. Sometimes he forgets to take care of himself, but after what he's been through... don'cha think that was more than enough of a wake-up call?

Why do you think he's so important to you? Ain't it 'cause he's so understandin'? And even if that isn't it, it's one of the things that make Minato who he is. 

I've got my own complaints about the kid but his heart ain't one of 'em. Arguin' any more about what he honestly wants would be like spittin' in his face. 

[He speaks calmly and distantly. He's had his own time to think about this, Ryoji.]

I really need an angrier and/or crying FISTSLAM sort of icon here

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... A sigh. ]

It's not like that... I mean, that's part of it. I'm not saying his heart is in the wrong place, I just... I just wish he would...

[ He stops himself here. ]

You don't--

[ ... How would he know what Motochika DOES or doesn't know? Ryoji bites back the words. ]

It's because of me he's like this. And I'm not saying I don't like how he is now... I mean, it's because of me that he's so... calm. About everything. I'm not blaming myself either... it's not like I can change the past.

So I... I want to protect him. But I... he won't let me.

[ He suppresses another sigh, glancing downwards. ]

He's my other half. I can feel when he's in danger. I can feel when he's in pain. I can sense when he's hurting but even THEN... I know he agreed to take responsibility for his actions but the only thing I ever wanted was for him to let me help him! I didn't have a chance back home. I'm still searching for a way to fix that... but I can't fix what I did to him.

[ There is... guilt, yes. But not regret--he knows he cannot change the past. Simply... sadness. Sadness and a desire to make it better when he knows he can't. ]

I can stand on my own... I can. I don't NEED to be by his side, I WANT to be. I... he's so close, to that point where he might not ever... come back. I guess... in ways, we both are... I don't know. I don't know what to do right now.

I hate what I am. ... Weak. No matter how much I keep learning of being... being human... I'm still not getting any better if this made me snap so badly! Augh!

[ He just... slams his fist on something nearby and dissolves into holding his heads in his hands. ]

so tragic, broji

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

[... a sigh is all Ryoji gets at first.]

You're going about this the wrong way. 

He doesn't need to be protected from shit. Get that through your head first. He's nothing if not capable- yeah, it was a close call this time around but damn, he's still breathin' and don't ya think that says somethin'?

And you're sayin' you wanna "fix" 'im? Fix what you did or whatever- doesn't matter. All you're sayin' is that you don't like Minato the way he is now, even though who he is now got him the support of his team, his friends, you, me-- 

If you don't like how it is, then you're the one who needs to be fixed, brat. Minato's fine the way he is.

Pretty sure I get it now. Fuck if he can tell anyone shit if they're gonna go all hellbent on tryin' to get him to change or completely disregard what he wants. He's got flaws but his main one is not leanin' on people and I thought that was his fault but I'm startin' to think otherwise. 

Damn hard to lean on anyone who'll crumble under pressure. 

[A scoff. Not a disgusted sound or condescending one- he's just... disappointed. He crosses his arms and takes another moment of silence to appraise Ryoji.

No, he doesn't like him, but that doesn't mean he can't help make the brat less annoying at least....]

But hey. 

You know what your problem is and that's more than most people - or whatever the hell you are - can say. Yeah, you're pissed. I was, too. But brutes like us gotta control that temper or else other people are gonna pay just 'cause we didn't feel like thinkin' and excercisin' self-control. People who don't deserve to pay.

Don't kid yourself, Ryoji.... [He sighs and tries--] You're gettin' better. Keep it up. 

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... There is so much frustration. Frustration because there is simply so much he doesn't UNDERSTAND. So much he doesn't know. ]

He... he doesn't... need to be protected?

[ ... It's more like a child, repeating something he has just learned, as it vaguely settles in his mind. Minato does not need to be fixed or helped or protected. That is not the problem?

It confuses him, and this is very evident, that... this is all he knows. ]

I don't understand... I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I thought... it was because I failed to protect him that he was hurt. If it's not that... then what is it?

[ It's not the sort of statement someone makes when they're asking to be told what to do, it's more like a general statement of facts. Gaps in his knowledge, which are very wide. Gaps he has yet to bridge. This is one of them, and it's very evident on his face that he is confused.

... But he listens. To every word Motochika says. ]

I don't know... how people are supposed to be. I thought I did, but... I'm missing a lot of things.

[ Again, he doesn't say it because he's looking to Motochika to tell him, or looking for reassurance. It's just... a confused statement of the truth. He honestly does not know. There is much he does not understand. There is innocence and good intention, for certain, however. ]

I just... I want to do what's right... but I don't know what's right or how to do it.

[ He just wants to do the right thing. His intentions were good, they always had been. Perhaps it was simply the fact he wasn't sure how to apply them, or what needed to be done... or not done, that was the problem.

How could he fix this? ... But it didn't need fixing. Which was a foreign concept to him. He doesn't understand that not all things need fixing. He only knows that Minato was troubled by this and he didn't want him to be. It's almost more like how a child would view something, than someone his age, who should understand this basic concept he has no grasp of. ]

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

[A contemplative pause at that one. What's right, huh...?]

Nah....

I can't tell you what's right or how to do it. No one can. If you're admittin' that you don't know anythin', then at least look forward to learnin'.

What is true is that you don't need to protect Minato. He's a strong kid and he's run into problems before, but it's just made him better and better- that's how it works. You either crumble or you get better.

So do what you're doin' now- hold in that anger and talk to Minato.

Do what he wants. It's his business that you're stickin' your nose into now.

[derparcana.livejournal.com]

[ ... He's right. He knows he's right. It doesn't make things any less frustrating, but... it does help. ]

... I'm not really looking to be told, anyway. I think it's something I need to figure out on my own. It's just part of who I am that I still have a lot to learn. I haven't been around that long.

[ He sighs absently, putting his hand on his chin. ]

I'll talk to him when he's ready, I guess. Right now he needs to rest.

[ ... He's wondering about what Izaya said, though. "Are you jealous?" ... Was he? ]

[treasurehunted.livejournal.com]

[A nod.]

He does. Leave him alone and don't leave the house. Don't do anything that'll make things harder on 'im, alright? Hardly what he needs right now. If he's as important to you as you say, then if you can't clean up the pieces, just don't step on 'em any more.